It is well known that the world’s foremost terrorist loves football and was an Arsenal fan during his days in London. And although he has a hectic schedule – there are so many countries to be bombed after all – and 4 squabbling wives to deal with, he will surely find time to catch the action on AL –Jazeera. There are rumours that he might even travel to South Africa under disguise but I don’t think that is likely; he cannot afford to leave his trigger happy set of fanatic beasts untended for so long. They would fight each other to death and raze the rest of the populace in the process.
He won’t have a chance to cheer for his favourite sides though. Taliban isn’t a country yet and his native Saudi Arabia failed to qualify after a run of four successive appearances. His adopted Afghanistan made the Cricket World Cup ( thanks to ICC expanding the tournament to 12 nations) but are a long way from the Football one (Sepp Blatter will have to accommodate all the nations of the world to ensure Afghanistan’s participation).
He will therefore have to choose a new favourite.
The obvious choices are North Korea and Algeria. One is a truant nation which has covert business relationships with the Taliban and the other is the sole Islamic nation in the World Cup, with Iran and Iraq also having missed out on a berth.
But cheering for North Korea isn’t an attractive prospect. Paired against Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast, they are the runaway favourites to become the whipping boys of the tournament.
Algeria on the other hand are in the perfect group – paired with Osama’s most bitter rivals, the USA and England. And although the North African country is too moderate for Osama’s liking and most of their squad ply their trade in Europe – which makes them infidels in Osama’s Islamic lexicon, they will have a chance to disrupt the World Cup dreams of two nations that Osama hates the most. If you don’t have a chance to win, you can atleast enjoy watching your enemies being inflicted with mortal wounds.
But if that is the agenda, there is another country which can serve the same purpose much better – the group’s fourth team, Slovenia; simply because they are superior to Algeria and sufficiently adept in the European style to frustrate both England and the USA.
And guess what makes Slovenia an even better choice for Osama?
That Slovenia’s team colours are either completely green or completely white. Which means Osama can continue to wear his regular clothes. No change of clothing required. He won’t have to commit the sinful act of putting on a Nike jersey ( he once bought Arsenal’s merchandize from the club shop). Also, he wouldn’t have to justify watching Slovenia’s matches to his followers. Those dimwits will see a team in green and assume it’s one of the Islamic nations.
Thus, unbeknownst to the Slovenians, there is another reward waiting for them if they do well at the World cup. A victory over England or the USA could give them complete immunity from the terror acts of Osama Bin Laden.